by Susan Greeley

What advice would you give my friend?
She’s notably distraught and when I ask, "What’s wrong?" all her pent-up frustration comes pouring out.

"It’s this relationship. It’s going from bad to worse and I don’t know what to do. You know how I never have anyone over anymore? I’m so embarrassed by our place — it’s a mess. And it’s not me who stays home all day cluttering it up. But I’m the one stuck with all the housework. I feel like I’m suffocating!"

She leans in, her voice low and angry. "And we all know I’m the only one with a job in this house. I bring in the money but guess where it goes! You got it! What am I going to do?"

To me the answer is obvious: "You deserve better than this. Throw the bum out!"

What would you tell her?

Would your advice change if you realized that my friend isn’t talking about her love life at all, but rather about all the clutter and "stuff" in her life?

Confession
Okay, I admit it. There is no "friend." Only me, and lots of people like me, trying to come to terms with 50 years of accumulated stuff.

If my case were more severe, the mental health profession could probably offer me some respite. Compulsive hoarding syndrome is the clinical diagnosis of a serious, treatable illness. I’m not that far along. So far at least, I don’t live with narrow pathways through the house and old newspapers piled to the ceiling.

Still, when I was single, I gave my girlfriends a clear directive: "If I’m ever in an accident, do not go to the hospital. Go to the condo and get it straightened up before my mother (or the Health Department) gets there!"

Then there’s the refrigerator magnet my husband thinks was written with me in mind: My original plan called for having a maid.

Those of you who don’t at a person could be in a relationship with inanimate objects. You are the fortunate souls who live unencumbered by stuff.

This article is for those of us who, like me, live with things that have nagging little voices of their own:

"You can’t get rid of me — I was a gift from Aunt Alice."

"I know I’m stained and chipped but I still work, more or less. "

"You’ll be thin enough to wear me again some day."

"If you throw me out I’ll end up in a landfill someplace, ruining the environment."

Then there are the other voices in your head, the ones from childhood:

"Waste not, want not."

"Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do or do without."

But "a place for everything and everything in its place" only works if one actually has somewhere to put all this stuff. When there simply isn’t enough space in our homes to hold everything we own, we end up living in CHAOS — Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome. That’s what Marla Cilley (alias "The Flylady") calls this malady on her popular Web site, www.flylady.com Or we rent storage units to house things we won’t use for the next 10 years but somehow cannot bear to part with. Or we have annual garage sales but never see any noticeable decline in our clutter level.

We’re suffering from a common ailment of many Americans: affluenza. Wikipedia defines affluenza as "a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more."

Why do we do this to ourselves? If we wouldn’t let another person treat us this way, why do we allow clutter to cause this much trouble in our lives?

Why don’t we throw the bum out?
In my own case, my parents’ childhood is part of the equation. They grew up during The Great Depression and were forever influenced by that trauma. Frugality was carried to the extreme. Certain things were too good to be used for everyday. Other things were too good to be thrown away. After my mother moved out of her home and into an assisted living facility, my sister and I found wedding presents she’d been given in the ’40s, still in the original boxes, never used.

This scarcity mentality has been passed on to a generation for whom it has little basis in reality. Many of us don’t really need or want all the stuff in our homes but we feel guilty about getting rid of it. Couple that with our inheriting the family heirlooms that our parents couldn’t part with, and we’re drowning in stuff.

The Wellness Wheel
The idea of a wellness wheel was suggested first by Dr. Bill Hettler as a way to look a person’s entire wellbeing. It consists of six equal parts: spiritual, occupational, physical, social, intellectual, and emotional. A healthy person strives to maintain balance in her life by spending an equal amount of energy in each area.

I made some interesting discoveries when I started to look at my stuff through the lens of the wellness wheel. It seems clutter can have a deleterious effect on all aspects of our health. Take a look: Spiritual. Take time to give significant thought to the Bible study in this issue of LWT. It speaks far more eloquently than I can about the spiritual dangers of our possessions. Don’t hang on to things because you "might need them someday." Trust that God will provide if you need something in the future.

Occupational. If you are having trouble coping with clutter at home, chances are good that the situation isn’t much better at the office. Papers pile up. You can’t find the receipts to fill out your expense report. Or the situation at home spills over into the job: You’re coming in late because you can’t find your keys or you had to return the overdue library book.

Physical. This is no joke, especially as people age. Have you ever tripped over something that shouldn’t have been there in the first place? Having piles of things on the stairs can be dangerous, especially at night. As we age we lose strength and stamina, making it harder for us to get rid of the clutter even if we make up our minds to do so.

Social. If there’s an unexpected knock on the door, do you pretend you’re not home so no one will see the state of your living room? Do your kids want to play at their friend’s house but are embarrassed by their own?

Having too much stuff around can cause you to feel guilty and ashamed. Even worse, it leads to isolation and loneliness. Are you going to let clutter stand in the way of your loving relationships?

Emotional. This is the area of our lives where clutter seems to do the most obvious damage. Pick almost any negative emotion and clutter will make it worse.

Guilt: "I have all this stuff when others have nothing."

Inadequacy: "Why can’t I be more organized?"

Shame: "Other people don’t live like this. Why do I?"

Anger: "Why have I let this get so out of hand?"

Depression: "It’s no use. I’ll never get out from under all this stuff."

Intellectual. It’s not easy to read, think, or develop new ideas when you’re surrounded and distracted by clutter. It’s also tempting to buy every book published about organizing your life, thus adding still more clutter to your bookshelves.

But your intellectual self may well be your best ally in helping to reframe the problem. Before you spend another $50 at the Container Store in another futile attempt to conquer your clutter, try using your intellect to view your stuff differently.

Change the conversation with your possessions:

"Thank you for the good memories you’ve brought me of Aunt Alice. Now I want you to do the same for someone else. That’s why you’re going to live with cousin Teresa."

"You’ve lived a long and useful life and now it’s time to join the other chipped and stained objects that have gone before you."

"I hope I will be thin enough to wear you again someday. Sadly by then you’ll be long out of style so I’m going to give you to someone who can wear you right now."

"Yes, it’s true. You may end up in a landfill. But at least you won’t be turning this house into a landfill!"

Wisdom of the Ages
If you’re still struggling to gain a different perspective on your possessions, try looking at them through the wisdom of the ages:

Whoever has two coats must share with anyone who has none; and whoever has food must do likewise. (Jesus, Luke 3:11)

The wise man does not lay up treasure. The more he gives to others, the more he has for his own. (Lao–tsze, The Simple Way)

An object in possession never retains the same charms it had in pursuit. (Pliny the Elder)

Any possession beyond the needful is a burden. (Publilius Syrus)

To know how to do without is to possess. (J.F. Regnard)

The man who dies rich, dies disgraced. (Andrew Carnegie)

Wealth is a good servant, a very bad mistress. (Francis Bacon)

It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor. (Seneca)

A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to let alone. (Henry David Thoreau, Walden)

Riches get their value from the mind of their possessor; they are blessings to those who know how to use them, curses to those who do not. (Terence)

For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? (Jesus, Matthew 16:26a)

Finding balance
No matter how hard we try to maintain balance in our lives, we all have one part of the wellness wheel where we’re most comfortable and where we spend a majority of our time. If the intellectual aspect of your life isn’t speaking to your problem of clutter, maybe the Holy Spirit is nudging your spiritual self to deal with it. Maybe related problems at work or with your relationships will cause your occupational or social natures to tackle your clutter. It may be the sheer physical limits of space and energy that will force a change.

If all else fails, let loose the power of your emotional self. Get mad! Go back to my friend’s story about her rotten relationship and treat your clutter as you would an obnoxious hanger-on: Throw the bum out!

Susan Greeley is the producer/director of Grace Matters, the radio ministry of the ELCA.

Tips to help you de–clutter

1. Notice how a particular object makes you feel. Does it bring back painful or embarrassing memories? If so, get it out of the house. Surround yourself only with things that make you smile every time you see them.

2. If an object brings back good memories but is no longer of any practical use to you, take a picture of it and give the object away. The picture will bring the same memories while taking up much less space.

3. Speaking of pictures: Make the jump to digital and store them on the computer. Bring old photos you no longer want to family reunions and pass them on to your extended family. Make a date with yourself (and keep it!) to start putting your remaining photos into albums. Don’t continue to deceive yourself by thinking you’ll get around to it "someday."

4. Go through the mail every day, throwing out as much paper as possible before setting it down.

5. Stop buying books. You already pay taxes to support your local library: Make good use of it.

6. Say "yes!" every time you get a call from the Salvation Army or a similar organization asking for donations. Make a concerted effort to donate at least 10 items each time.

7. Stop buying things for other people that aren’t useful. This is particularly true for older relatives and friends. As my father used to say, "If I have to feed it, paint it, or dust it, I don’t want it!" Instead, give practical gifts like stamps, gift cards from the grocery store, or a coupon for a dinner out. Better still, give them something no one can buy: your time and attention.

Resources
www.flylady.com
Marla Cilley, alias "the Flylady," helps you overcome CHAOS: Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome. She’s also written a popular book on the subject called Sink Reflections.

www.freecycle.net
An entirely free, nonprofit network of people who give (and get) stuff for free in their own towns. Go on–line to join or start a network in your community.

www.simpleliving.org
Suggestions for Christians who want to reduce their consumption and fight affluenza.

Sustaining Simplicity: A Journal by Anne Basye, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, 2007; www.elca.org/hunger/simple.pot.com.