by Kathie Bender Schwich

You’ve just heard some news about someone you know, news that you were asked to keep to yourself. Suddenly you have a burning desire to go out and tell the next person you see.

Or maybe a colleague suddenly quits her job. You and your co–workers are told that she left "for personal reasons." You and your friends fill the information gap with all sorts of lurid guesses at the reason for her departure, and then share those with others.

And there are those times when a friend tells you about a struggle she is having and then says, "Please don’t tell anyone else." Suddenly your mind leaps to the people who would be amazed or shocked to hear what has just been confided to you.

Some people consider such talk to be nothing more than catching up on the latest news. Others call it "dishing." What it is, however, is gossip.

The Britannica–Webster Dictionary and Reference Guide defines gossip as "rumor or report of an intimate or sensational nature." As sinful human beings, we often take pleasure in sharing rumors or sensational news in an effort to make ourselves appear more "in the know," or to be appreciated for the information we provide.

Those who have been the subject of gossip, however, know the damage it can cause. When I was in junior high school and hurt by the cruel comments that junior high kids love to inflict on one another, my mother always reminded me, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." It was a way of comforting me and reassuring me that those nasty words, however painful to the psyche, did not have the power to inflict physical harm on me.

But words do hurt with an emotional pain that can be as long–lasting and painful as physical injury, maybe worse. When insulting comments are made to our face, we can defend ourselves against the accusations. But when cruel comments about us are passed along without our knowledge, great harm is done.

Anyone who has been the subject of hurtful gossip knows how the psalmist felt when he wrote, "Insults have broken my heart, so that I am in despair. I looked for pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none. They gave me poison for food, and for my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink" (Psalm 69:20–21). The last thing a person in the midst of troubles needs is acquaintances who gossip about it. Such treatment can certainly feel like poison to one who is hungry or vinegar to one who thirsts.

The Eighth Commandment includes gossip when it tells us, "Do not bear false witness against your neighbor." Martin Luther in his Small Catechism explains the commandment in this way: "We are to fear and love God so that we do not betray, slander, or lie about our neighbor, but defend him, speak well of him, and explain his actions in the kindest way." Jesus gave us a similar command: "love your neighbor as yourself."

If we truly love our neighbor as ourselves, we will speak well of our neighbor and explain her actions in ways that are kind and affirming. If we love our neighbor as Jesus commands us to do, we will reach out in care and concern, recognizing that when another person tells us of her struggles, she is inviting us to enter holy ground. We honor our God and our neighbor by respecting her confidence as sacred.

The Britannica–Webster Dictionary and Reference Guide tells us that the root of the word gossip is the Old English word godsibb, meaning a person spiritually related to another, specifically, a sponsor at baptism. Over the centuries godsibb changed to mean a close friend. From there it was only a short step to the gossip of today, someone eager to pass on irresistible tidbits of information or "juicy" rumors.

To think that the word gossip comes from a word that originally meant a sponsor at baptism! A baptismal sponsor agrees to mentor that child or adult in the faith. She agrees to bring the new Christian to worship in God’s house, teach her the Creed and the Ten Commandments, and familiarize her with the Holy Scripture. Certainly this important role also includes caring for this new Christian, speaking well of her and explaining her actions in the kindest way.

From now on, when I am tempted to gossip, I will remind myself of the Eighth Commandment, of Jesus’ commandment to "love your neighbor," and of the godsibb role I have been called to live out in my relationships with others.