by Donna Hacker Smith

I headed for the stationery department of a department store in the Shibuya district of Tokyo, needing to purchase index cards. My preference for the project at hand was 4–inch by 6-inch cards, and I searched for them in vain, finding only the 3–by–5 ones.

A young female clerk approach–ed me and politely offered to help. Our conversation —hampered by my limited Japanese — went something like this:

"I want to buy some index cards, please."

"Yes, we have these." (The clerk indicated cards of another size.)

"Ah. Well, I need some bigger cards."

"Yes, we have these." (She showed me some much larger cards.)

"That’s a little bigger than I want. Have you any that are a bit smaller?"

"Yes, we usually do." (She looked around but didn’t see any.)

"You do not have the cards I want?"

(Relieved) "Yes, we do not."

Admittedly, this conversation was guided by Japanese etiquette, which views saying no as impolite. It still makes me smile, though, to think of the relief in that clerk’s expression when I offered her an opportunity to say no using the word yes.

There are many reasons that we hesitate to say no, some cultural, some psychological, some emotional. After all, saying yes makes us appear to be agreeable, nice, and can make us popular. In some situations, saying yes requires courage and faith. Saying no, on the other hand, seems to work against the flow of community or relationships. It can make us appear contrary, cranky, or even stubborn. To say no can seem downright un–Christian.

As Christians, we are free to say yes or no, as long as we are being genuine in what we say. The parable of the two sons in Matthew 21:28–31 reminds us that God is concerned with action even more than with words. Just saying yes to be agreeable — but with no intention of following through — can be dishonest and deceptive. Christians are to express themselves with honesty and integrity. Only a genuine yes or no can contribute to the building of the reign of God. And, at times, saying no reveals the yes of a faithful heart. Here are some examples.

ON A PERSONAL LEVEL
Saying no to unhealthy habits of diet or exercise can reveal the yes we are saying to our bodies as gifts of God.

Saying no to a cluttered calendar and unlimited activities is a yes to time spent with ourselves, loved ones, and our God.

Saying no to mindless consumerism and spending can reveal the yes of a wise steward seeking to invest in the work of God.

ON A RELATIONSHIP LEVEL
Saying no to those who put us down or abuse us is to say yes to the God who cherishes us and wants that love to be reflected in our relationships with others.

Saying no to peer pressure can reveal the yes we say to the ways of our Savior.

Saying no to unreasonable demands on the time and energy of our children can mean that we say yes to their opportunities for growth in love, knowledge, and faith.

ON A COMMUNITY, NATIONAL, OR GLOBAL LEVEL
Saying no to a culture that cheapens family relationships and makes sexuality a tool for manipulation or selling things is a way of saying yes to the Christian view that sexuality and family are gifts of God.

Saying no to prejudice and discrimination means we say yes to God’s gift of a diverse creation.

Saying no to the exploitation of workers by not purchasing sweatshop–produced items means that we say yes to the value and worth of all of God’s people.

In Matthew 5:37, Jesus is quoted as saying, "Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than this comes from evil" (NRSV, alternative text). The fact that Jesus refers to dishonest oaths as "evil" reveals the serious nature of our charge as God’s people. Standing up to evil is a fearsome prospect, best undertaken with prayer and recognition of the presence and power of the Holy Spirit in the life of the baptized believer. It is hard to say no to people and powers that seem so much bigger, stronger, and more important than we feel ourselves to be. Only with the powerful presence of God are we able boldly to say no when it really matters.

In Matthew 9:36, we are told by the evangelist that Jesus "had compassion on the crowds because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." In this modern world, "harassed and helpless" could describe the feelings of many people. Forces around and within us can leave us wondering when we should say yes and when we should say no.

Thankfully, we are not without a shepherd. Our Lord Jesus is present with us in Scripture and the power of prayer. Christ empowers us to be bold and answer with the same power and strength as the ancient apostles, the leaders of the Reformation, and the saints we have known personally. And, sometimes, the boldest answer can be no!

Donna Hacker Smith serves as pastor of Good Shepherd Lutheran Church in Champaign, Illinois. She shares her life with her husband, Lawrence Smith, her cat, Hercule, and her rabid love of the Chicago Cubs and the University of Illinois Fighting Illini.